As I grow older, I think I feel much secure than before. I have lots of fears and insecurities in the past few years. I didn’t know exactly what I want to do and there were lots of disappointment along with emptiness that I couldn’t fully describe. I kinda lost my path and just did whatever people expect me to do, I seriously hate myself because of that.
Back then, I’m afraid to stand up and tell someone to back off, I was not able to protect someone important and pretended that everything will be okay in the end. Just recently, I realized that even though I don’t have much power, I can do something to change the situation, even it’s just a little bit. I should did this since a long time ago, but unfortunately fear took the best of me.
I feel at peace now, I don’t know if it’s temporary but this is exactly what I feel right now. After getting rid of my fears, I feel so much better, there still bad memories from the past but I think time will heal everything. Sometimes playing nice will just hurt you furthermore, that’s why I’m just going to be more honest now about my feelings.
I also have decided what I want to do for the rest of my life which is writing, I fully understand that I have still have many flaws and limits in my writing, but I will keep writing ’till the end and no one can take this from me.
Money, family, friends, lovers and other material things can be easily taken away, however no one can take your passion away. With passion I value myself more, because I know this is something that I truly like and it’s not for other person. It’s a place for me where I can feel fulfillment as an individual.
Right now, I truly believe that I only have myself to move on. It’s not about superficial achievement, material things, money or relationships. It’s all about what I am in the inside, how I value myself and my choices in life. I believe those are the things that will make me stronger.
