Forgotten?

I thought I get over it, but it’s coming up again in my mind. And here I am with the scenario what if? I hate myself when I’m asking myself with that question.

What if (put something that you should do in the past)?

Nothing will change, I know that, but still I can’t help myself from asking that question.

Never look back, but the past is still a part of our memory. Maybe none of us really forget, instead we just hide it in the back of our mind. It will be good if there is some kind of device to erase the bad memory permanently. Hence you can forgive people easily and most importantly forgive yourself.

Anyway, in the brighter side, I’m currently addicted to this Korean drama called You’re Beautiful, it’s a great drama and really entertaining. Will do the review later, now I will just post my favorite scene, isn’t he just so adorablee??

It’s 2010!

Oh my gosh I haven’t been writing in this blog like for ages! I should blame myself for this. Well anyway, it’s a new year already, time flies so fast isn’t?

2009 was a good year, I have nothing to regret, even though there were lots of upside down. I barely can remember anything bad from previous year. Honestly I don’t want to look back, right now my focus is in the present.

I realize that I’m not good at future planning, so I will just set short term goals. Small step is just suitable for me coz I’m not a rushy kind of person. I’m doing internship now and I kinda enjoy it, nothing fancy though, no money involves, but meeting new people is nice coz it’s a refreshing experience.

I wish 2010 will be a good year, I hope that I can be wiser, more mature and have more self-control. I have no resolutions whatsoever but I have one goal in my mind right now, to get a permanent job in Singapore this year. Other than that, I wish my family will always be in good health.

And I promised myself to be a better daughter, sister, friend and person. I know I’m not a perfect person, I make mistakes all the time, sometimes I hurt people that I care the most, sometimes it’s hard for me to forgive and forget, but I don’t want to live with regrets, I will be a better person this year

Vanity oh vanity

Okay first of all I have no intention to be mean whatsoever. But just now I wander around youtube, tried  to find a tutorial to use the damn eyeliner, yeah I’m bad at putting eyeliner on my eyelids big surprise.

So in the end I found bunch of make up tutorials and I also found many stupid videos like what’s inside my bag, what’s my most worn things, etc. Like seriously did people really watch this kind of stuff? And surprisingly they did, yeah people do want to know what is inside your bag! Oh the humanity, no wonder apocalypse is near, 2012 anyone? (just kidding, I don’t believe that crap, maybe I will write about it later)

But I was just as guilty as those stupid morons and wasted my 3 minutes watching this girl pulled out all of those crazy stuffs from her bag. And I was amazed, totally amazed, she brought almost everything from her house, literary. Make up removal, brush, gloves, sunglasses, bunch of lipsticks, blush, foundation, bottle of perfume, hand warmer, charger, chocolates, biscuits, and much more. I was amazed you know, it’s both amazing and ridiculous in the same time.

You know what’s inside my bag? Wallet, cellphone, keys, ipod, lip balm and umbrella. Those are the essential things in my bag, but this girl is like all about the crazy stuff, I can’t imagine myself strolling around Singapore with all of those stuff inside my bag (I will lose one of my arm I think) and talk about vanity, I mean bottle of perfume, really? Do you smell that bad?

Okay I know this is so random, but I just can’t help it. I’m not against people who want to look good all day, I do wear make up sometimes, but there is a faint line between looking good and vanity. And I really feel bad for that bag.

Domestic Violence

Geez I slept already then I woke up because of this weird dream, good lord I just want to have a nice sleep.

Anyway since I’m unable to sleep again, I think I will just write something to ease my mind like I usually did. Yesterday I watched this Rihanna’s interview, she opened up about the domestic violence thing with her a–hole bf and I feel so damn lucky that I’m not in a relationship. And I’m also glad that she has decided to leave her bf even though she did return to him after the incident. Rihanna is rich, beautiful, and talented, so why on earth she need to return to that a– hole bastard?

I mean if a powerful girl like her can’t set herself free, then me and other girls all over the world are doomed, seriously. And she is actually only one year younger than me, so yeah it’s great to know that she can stand up for herself and think rationally, to leave him is the best choice. Love is blind and in many cases it can kill you, when I saw her picture after the abuse, I freaked out, she was beaten so bad, I didn’t believe it was her at first.

A man should use his hand to PROTECT his woman, that’s why men are physically stronger than women. Any men that hit woman like that should just go straight to hell.

I never been in an abusive relationship, thank God. But I really feel bad for any girls or women who have been (or still) in that kind of relationship and when I did some research I found that it’s not an uncommon situation, 1 out 4 women in America is in abusive relationship, scary rite? I think love should not be that painful, good lord  just look at Rihanna’s face back then, no one (both man and woman) should be treated like that. Before you love someone else, you must love yourself first because you are beautiful and you deserve so much better.

Skin problem and 500 Days of Summer

My skin is just plain weird nowadays, no significant pimples (Amen!) but some parts are really dry and some parts are oily. Geez, I just want a normal skin and I’m 22 for heaven sake, there shouldn’t be any hormonal problems whatsoever. And I heard that zinc is good for skin, I wonder where to buy zinc tablets?

Into my review of this week, I want to say that 500 Days of Summer is excellent! It’s very different from any other movies with similar genre. It feels refreshing, unique and realistic. We all have similar experiences of the upside-down part in a relationship, we also don’t remember everything in the linear way and sometimes we only want to remember the good things (or the bad things).

I think we all have our own version of ‘Summer’ in life, the person that we thought is the one but he/she is actually just another addition for our failed love story collection. But so what? Life goes on, when it’s not meant to be, it’s just not meant to be, no matter how great it was. This movie is not your typical Hollywood movie, no wonder the trailer said it’s not a love story. It’s a bittersweet story and real life is just like that.

The characters have this genuine soulful quality within them. Zooey Deschanel is beautiful, quirky and charming. She has a great chemistry with the actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who looks like Heath Ledger somehow, bless him). I think I saw this guy before, but can’t remember which movie. He has potential to be a new kind of leading man; sensitive, dorky but charming. Hope to see him in another great movie, along with Ms Deschanel of course.

Oh yeah one more thing, I remember this one character explained about the girl of his dreams, but eventually he said that his current girlfriend is better because she is real. I think this is an excellent punchline for anyone who has an unbelievable standard for his/her partner, don’t you think it’s just enough because he/she is real? They may not be perfect but they are here for us, the real deal.

Childhood Dream

I’m currently reading this book called Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It’s about the last lecture by Randy Pausch himself, who will die in 3 months time because of pancreatic cancer. He talks about childhood dream in his last lecture, and I begin to ask myself about my own childhood dream. It’s weird to remember that when I was a child I dared to dream about a lot of things.

I remember I once said I want to be a dentist because I liked this particular dentist who was really kind to me. And then I changed my mind, I want to be a teacher after I read this shoujo manga called Seito Shokun, later on I felt that teaching is a troublesome job so I changed my mind again, I know I was very fickle but what can you expect from a little girl. Later on around middle school I decided that I want to be a hairstylist or designer because I thought it was cool and suitable job for girls, however as time goes by I realized that I wasn’t that interested with hair and I wasn’t talented enough in drawing.

As you can see I don’t have one particular childhood dream. But if I look back, I envy my old self who dared to dream about many things, there were no limits or whatsoever, I could imagine myself as whatever I want. There are no boundaries for little kids and they should not have one. But since kid I know for sure I had problem with authority, I was very individual, I yearned for freedom and I looked up to people who did their own thing. I wanted to do my own thing too but that time I still didn’t know what I suppose to do.

To be honest I always have a dream to be a designer or anything involving arts, but I know I have limited talent in this area, therefore I secretly envy my dear friends who have this great artistic talent. Actually their talent is one of the reasons why I’m willing to maintain our friendship until now, I admire their talent and I wish them to achieve something great with it.

Credit: Flickr by ..utopiacere..

Fortunately for me who is good-for-nothing, I fell in love with writing in high school, and I know I’m not that great or something. But writing is something that I truly enjoy and I don’t need special talent for this. Anyone can write about anything, there are no boundaries in the writing world. Writing can set us free from whatever boundaries that we are facing, and I’m really glad that now we have this blogging facility, which enable people from all over the world to write and share their feelings.

Writing may not be my childhood dream, but it kinda channels something that I yearn since kids, the taste of freedom. As we grow up, we start to chain ourselves with something that always bring us down, the past, traumatic experience, abusive relationship, grudges, money, drugs, alcohol, sex, self-denial, bad habits, etc. Those invisible chains are worse than a prison, seriously, because we may never realize it.

And to everyone who has a childhood dream and still working on it, go for it! Be that child again and set yourself free from any boundaries. I’m still working to find my dream, it can be related to writing and it may not, but I know I will never stop writing, because it’s the wings for me to be free even just in fleeting moment.

I’m sorry

I’m sorry that I often take everything for granted

I’m sorry that I often appear to be distant and cold

I’m sorry for my raging temper

I’m sorry that I can’t be the person that you wish me to be

I’m sorry for my mean and rude words

I’m sorry for my rebellious attitude

I’m sorry for being such a horrible person

I promise I will be a much more caring and thoughtful person from now on.

Twilight vs Harry Potter

I’m not into fiction stories lately and I still consider Harry Potter as the best fiction book ever.  One of the current popular fiction is Twilight and to be honest I’m not too fond of  it. I had read the first book and I don’t find it that appealing, I like the movie though and looking forward for the next movie, New Moon. (Jacob looks hot and I can’t wait to see Robert Pattinson!)

For me Twilight is too lovey-dovey and unrealistic. The story is based on Bella’s POV while she perceives Edward as this perfect godly creature. No one is better than Edward for Bella and she’s madly in love with him. This is what we like when we are in love for the first time, no one is better than that person and we don’t care about anything else as long as we can be with him.

Girls are yearning for their own Edward, the perfect beautiful man who will love you forever. No wonder this series is such a hit among young girls. The love between Bella and Edward is too idealistic to be true and this kind of story will lead those girls to false understanding of love.

Twilight is like a guilty pleasure, you do find thrill in this kind of forbidden love between vampire and human. But when those fangs really bite you, you will realize that Edward is just like those Disney’s charming princes, they are not real and only exist within our false hope.

For me Harry Potter is much better series, it’s not all about lovey-dovey stuff but more about growing up,  finding yourself, friendship, and tons of exciting adventures. I know Harry Potter’s buzz had fizzled, but so does Twilight will be in the next 2 years. But I’m certain that people will always respect Harry Potter as one of the greatest fiction ever  and not merely a bubble-gum teen franchise.

Gravity

Sara Bareilles is my current fav. singer-songwriter along with Colbie Caillat. I love their songs so much and those songs have been helping me through many things this year. Gravity is my all time favorite from Sara Bareilles, it’s no. 1 on my iTunes’ top 25 most played list.

I just found the live version of this song and I think it’s better than the album version, such a heartfelt performance.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

I think this song is about how she still struggles to overcome her breakup, but for me the ‘You’ can mean any other things that we are addicted to. The bad habits, a certain person, false desire and any other things that make us unable to move on.

Being 22

Wow it’s been a long time since I wrote in this blog,  I was pretty much occupied with my other blogs, but still I will continue to write in this blog once in a while.

I have nothing new in my life, except I’m getting older, I’m 22 years old, there I said it.  I wish time can stop and I can be a carefree teenager forever, but I’ve decided to get over it and embraces the process of growing up. I don’t want to be a stubborn child-adult who just keep running away when problem strucks. I want to be a better and wiser person.

I will not struggle with something that I can’t change. If there is nothing I can do with it, I will just leave it as it is. And I will stop comparing my life with other people’s lives. If they have a better life than me, they deserve it, and it’s just not my time yet. Self-pity is equal to self destruction, whining and begging for people’s attention (read:pity) it’s the lowest thing that we do when we are under stress. Sometimes we are just too hard to ourselves, loosen yourself and be stronger.

I want to pursue what I like to do in life and I promise to myself I will not just follow other people’s path just because it’s the safest path. I understand that there will be regret and disappointment along the way, but it’s better to face it than to surround myself with self-denial and fake happiness. Life is like a wheel of fortune, we can be on the top, middle, or bottom, that’s why never lose yourself and keep your feet on the ground.